The Haggis have all gone to Australia
They are packing their bags as we speak
And Nessie’s away to Lake Windermere
She’s said to be leaving next week
The Wind is all leaving Scotland
and its going away for 40 odd years
The Oil which was out in the North Sea
In 2007 disappeared
The Kegs of all the Scotch Whisky we stored up
Have all been hit by a terrible blight
So no drams will be found in any Scots town
and no longer will our Summer nights be light
It’s the End of the World as we knew it
Even the Wee Frees are going to Mass
Predictions abound and Construe it
and were all bound for Starvation alas!
Scots will Weep on the Streets and Beg at English feet
Please can you let us back in?
They had warned us we’d suffer If we found another
Independence is such a terrible sin!
The Tides stopped we cried,as we rubbed our eyes
Our fish have all fled to the South
All our Mountains and Glens will never see folk again
Never more will the Tourists come about!
Our Banks have all broke, our economy’s choked
All our shops have been shut in our streets
Our people all died, and no fried mars bars have I
and my Giros not due till next week!
Such Disasters been found since we lost the pound
and there’s no-one to show us the way
We’ve no pride nor ambition since we got prohibition
and we can only get drunk twice a day