My Independence Jotter
I am a rubbish diary keeper, I really am.
But for some reason known only to me,and I don’t even know, I have decided to keep one.
Now I am not promising I will fill it in every day, but I will do my best.
I was trying to think of things to call it, but failed miserably, so I have just called it my Independence jotter.
It is not quite 1000 days to go to Independence day, or is it? We only have a season beginning Autumn 2014. The actual day itself is not disclosed yet. So we will have to wait and see on that one.
The past week has been a mildly Interesting one. but not much of note really happened. I would have slept through it all, but some guy called Dave in London kept stirring things up, and he had to be slapped about a bit. I think I have heard a bit about Tory Boys and their Nannies and their flunkies or fags as they call them In Eton, and some of them have some strange habits as they get older,and like to be dominated for some reason. I never could get what all that is about, but I just went to a Scottish Secondary school, and if anyone tries it on, you just clout them one!
On Sunday, he decided to have a wee cosy fireside tv chat with Big Ears, and he was yammering about what Wee Eck could and couldn’t do.
He even suggested that he was going to call the shots and sort it all out. Aye, sort it all out my arse! He couldnae dress himself without someones assistance,and he was going to take charge? On yer bike Pinnochio.
Daves chum, Georgie Porgy puddin and Pie, went and took a wee trip to the site of the London School Sports,and held something called a cabinet meeting. I am not sure why they all wanted to meet inside a cabinet, but hey, It’s not for me complain, at least they weren’t trying to get me to sit in one. I prefer more normal places to have a meeting, like the kitchen table.
Seemingly Georgie decided that he wanted the chair, and he wouldn’t let anyone else sit in it. Certainly not that Herman Munster lookalike Mickey Moore, he had to sit at Georgies feet and wag his tail and lick Georgies….hand.
I have been told that Paddington Mundell was also at the meeting, but I don’t know how much he contributed, other than asking where his marmalade was?
Dear God in heaven, can this get any better? Please tell me I am not dreaming.
Can things get any better than this? Mickey Moore has just gone and telt the Hoose of the common folk that Wee Eck is a Bastard!!!
Seemingly Eck is Illegitimate in calling a referendum. Awe ritey weeel says Eck, I will call it a Referenda insteed….An I dinnae gie a toss what you say. I am havin it in the Autumn of 2014.
Not when you say I can have it, not who you say can vote in it, not who you say will oversee it, and ye can awe squeal and gang up tigether as much as ye like, its my Ba and yer no havin it! Sit on this and twirl!
Wednesday: Not much happened, just lots of folks yammering about all the fuss. Thank goodness for that, ma heid wiz fair birling!
Just some bloke called Millipede agrees with Dave, and Liebour have now officially joined the Tory party. I am sure there will be lots of legs to this story, but that’s all fur noo. I’m away to have my tea.
Ok, I’m back…The STV and the Scottish Labour Broadcasting Corporation were having debates tonight. Oan Stv they had the novel idea of sticking 3 on top of Wee Nicola to drown her oot. Whit a bliddy racket it was too! I think we are going to see a lot of this level of debate, three or more arguing for one side, set onto One arguing the other. The main Onionist arguement for the full Onion, is to howl like banshees, when the person representing the peel the Onion side is trying to speak,so that you cant hear them.
It works you know!
Oan LBC Newsnicht Scotchland. They have the Kid oan leader of the Conservatives in Scotland, and the Kid oan deputy Leader of the Labouring party, sittin awe cosy like in the studio, passin the soor plooms tae each other.Wee Nicola was oan the screen in a pre recorded interview afore hand. Leaving the Onionists aww the time in the world tae poo poo…And Boy how they Poo!!!
Thursday: Jeezus Christ oan a Bike!!! Can you lot no gie it a rest for a moment?
Just when I was having a wee nap, that kid oan leader of the Scottish Hard Labour party goes and calls a meeting in the proper parlie. She says she wants to have talks about havin a party. That sounded good tae me, until I heard she was wanting to get all cross aboot the party talks. Jeez, can they no have a chat aboot a party without wanting to create a stair heid rammy aboot it? It’s just no right, they cannie have a stair heid rammy without Maggie Curran, its jist no natural.
Any hoo… It seems that the Lamentable one wisnae wanting to have 16 and 17 year olds invited to the Big Party, and she didnae think that wiz right..Its agin the law she thinks, they cannae bring a Kerry Oot, and if they have nae Kerry Oot, we are no havin them stoating aboot with their elders and worsers showin them up! They would be wanting tae peel the Onion,and that Is Illegal, cos we says so!
She then accused Wee Eck of being a hypocritical dealer, cos he wanted a referenda fix! If he wanted 16 and 17 year olds at the Big party, why did he no make sure they could go tae ither parties, like the wee cooncil party coming up in May? Wee Eck shot tae his feet and says, hey lamentable gobby short arse, I would Invite them tae the Cooncil wan too, but yer Scotchland Act wilnae allow me! Stick that in yer peep hole and smoke it!
As if that wisnae enough, All hell broke loose when The pretendy Tory Leader accused one Joan of Arc of saying she wiz anti-scotch.
Her new labouring best buddies howled in approval, and wanted to burn poor Joan at the Stake. It didnae matter a whit, that Joan said that she wisnae accusing Scots who liked being held in bondage as being Anti scotch, but she was absolutely sure they very much liked their Scotch, like every other Scot……Naw Naw and Naw..The Onionists jist wernae having it!! They heard what they heard, and they would tell everybody else whit they heard, even if they didnae hear whit they heard…And och sod it…Aff wi her heid!!
Dimblebum and Doogie Alexander caused a stooshie on Question Time….But I am getting beyond the will to Live, so nuff said.
Friday: Its a Balls Up…..Hear Ye Hear Ye Hear Ye, Labouring have joined the Leprous Tories…Its Official, get yer macaroon bars here!
Well ye would, only they have been liquidated.
Balls Announces continuation of Tory policies if Labouring get enough numpties to vote for their monkeys in the next General election. Officially Labour have become Tory and Lib Dems dont want to be left out. So vote for who you will, you will be voting Onionist.
The only way oot……Peel the bloody Onion!!!