Oh Woe is me,and woe betide
The pollution in our River Clyde
Our Holy Loch of nuclear waste
Gives my three headed fish an unusual taste
But such enjoyment do we get
being the British Armies favourite pet
The Depleted shells of their Uranium
Are no threat to us or my poor cranium
And no geiger counter in Dalgety bay
will fry your eyes or cause tooth decay
The M.O.D are quickly on the case
They’ll clean you out with indecent haste
The atomic subs in dear sweet Faslane
will protect us all from the acid rain
Dounray is clean as a babies arse
and that’s the truth in a comic farce
Out health in Glasgow is the best
Parkhead and Shettleston can be at rest
Such wealth have we , as we long live
with a Union divvy which gives and gives
Our children live in such high luxury
Thank God, Three cheers, that were not free
Our Labour Lords and Liberal Tories too
Never heed themselves but just me and you
They removed our burden of old Rockall
There’s just Guano there but of oil sod all
Shetlands moved down to the Anglian coast
It is just as as well or else we’d be toast.
And our Sweet Lizzie she’s not a plant
with a Queenly wave at our peasant chants
In Balmorals Semi she makes her hame
She slums it up, and Charles the same.
Here in Scotland County, Life’s just fine
with no welfare cheques or long dole lines
My son comes back from far Iran today
beside his wooden coat the pipes will play.
We are the ones who are well to do.
We sing Rule Britannia and Jerusalem too
Our England Is such a green and pleasant land
and here in Auchtermuchty lifes just Grand!