Its been a funny old week…. Yes really! Down right hilarious even.
These jesters on the wonderful BBC programme “Have I got News for You” or HIGNFY for short, for those alphabetically challenged…(such as Ray Winston, their guest presenter this week, who has made a career out of missing out half his vowels and trading them in for some obscure sounds) decided to have some gentle loving humour for us Scots, just to show how much affection they have for us dawn Sawth in the seat of English enlightenment.
Such gems Ray and his wonderful panel, including Ian Hislop ( token Scottish Anglo Saxon satirist and editor) provided for us.
Pictures of Highland Dancing, more pictures of Highland Dancing with a piper, George Osbourne visiting the natives, and Alex salmond on a building site… The question being what was the connection?
Hislop gleefully informed us that If Scotland go Independent the Chancellor said that THEY couldn’t have the pound..But Alex Salmond who will be in charge of Scotland, his title Isn’t clear yet,he may be King!
(Studio laughter) last week he was really keen on the Euro…..but…something happened??
His fellow guest panellist (no idea who she is?) said is there not something about a different currency?
Hislop said… Yes…but we are not clear what it might be, It could be the Mars Bar.
Winston asks…Why is George Osbourne saying they can’t have it? Hislop responds its basically a bit of a threat, vote NO and you will be alright..To which Winston responds …So he is basically saying that if Scotland becomes a separate economy, he doesn’t want Scotland dragging us all down with it…But to be fair..Scotland does have its strengths..its chief exports being Oil, whisky,tartan and tramps (more raucous studio laughter)
Winston then says …So do we let them keep the pound…or should we just tell them all to bugger off?
At which point he consults the laughing studio audience with the question….Hands up all who thinks they should all Bugger Off? ( hands shoot up enthusiastically in the studio audience with much hilarity at the prospect)
All good fun don’t you think? I was absolutely splitting my sides with laughter…. I haven’t had such a belly laugh in ages…. Wonderful stuff!
So let me have a quick recap ..
We will all take up highland dancing.
Scotland will become a building site
Alex Salmond will be crowned King of Scotland
Our Currency will be the Mars bar
Our main exports will include tartan, and of course a ready supply of tramps.
At the end of it all we will be denied the pound because it belongs to England only
And lastly…We will all be told to Bugger Off….
Now imagine if we actually could do political satire in Scotland.. Seemingly we are incapable of it according to BBC Newsnight. I guess they have never seen the BBC Scotlandshire website.
Wouldn’t our lovely neighbours enjoy being told that they are all Morris dancers and they are all up the pole when we go. Their beloved pound will be the chocolate sweetie variety in terms of worth. Our exports and taxes which accrue from Oil, tourism, whisky, salmon, sciences, games industry, fishing and farming, and new energy will no longer support their mickey mouse currency and of course we wont take their 1.3 trillion debt or any share of….. They will be delighted to know that we have ahem…voluntarily buggered off..
Hot on the heels of this comedy show….we had the Calmangate affair… where some unknown to me, female Scots comedienne by the name of Susan Calman made a grand fuss in her blog about nasty threats to her from these awful Cybernats on some blog she had heard about (which nobody has yet identified) attacking her for awful comedy on a bbc radio programme, accusing her of being a traitor, and of even death threats for her lack of Scottish patriotism! Seeming she had abuse thrown at her on social media, on her twitter and facebook pages…. An absolute travesty which BBC Newsnight and the Scotsman ran wild with…and of course giving her a great deal of publicity..
The funny thing is, I have checked her twitter account, and her facebook page and found absolutely nothing of the sort….why would that be?
But people have been taking this comedic storm to heart, and believing every word of what she, the BBC and the Scotsman have reported….These evil Cybernats are everywhere, and threatening to kill people for being awfully unfunny!!
So why no evidence to back up these allegations, and why has these death threats not been reported to the police? we have rules over that sort of behaviour now.
The only thing of relevance I could find which might show a light was a couple of seemingly unconnected facts.
Her father is Professor Kenneth Calman…. He of the Unionist Calman Commision.
And one of her friends on twitter…. The Scottish Conservative Leader Ruth Davidson sent her a message last week… .inquiring how her arse was for Love Bites?
Lesbian humour I guess 😉 And about the funniest thing I have heard or read all week .